Thursday, June 12, 2008

All About Witch Control

Fundamentalists have spent a great deal of time dealing with the issue of evolution. But they are missing one of the key issues in the Bible—the existence of witches.

There needs to be renewed attention paid to this pressing issue. After all, the scripture declares with complete certainty that “Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live” (Exodus 22:18) Now, many are conscientious in attacking pagans and other modern fans of the black arts.

But where is the insistence on teaching our children about these dangers? What good is it to have texts that support creationism if they aren’t exposed to this critical message? Clearly, we need to counter those who claim that the word “witch” was a mistranslation. A witch is a witch is a witch—the translator’s hand was divinely guided.

And clearly, this failing extends into other areas.

Remember how Jesus cast out the legion of demons out of a man who was possessed into a herd of swine (which may indicate that the savior was either keeping kosher or was a vegetarian.) It’s clear that demons are an everyday occurrence, although only the savior had the ability to serve as an instant demon exterminator.

It’s obvious that we need lessons about the existence and dangers of demons in our classrooms. Perhaps we could have “Demons—Seven Warning signs.” Or there could be the “Witch and Demon Field Guide.”

After all, how many of us can quickly identify the difference between the northern Ruby-throated demon and the southern Gray-clad demon. Of even know their calls and mating habits. And what kinds of pigs serve as the best hosts for displaced demons?

And who says the demons died with the plague. Perhaps they are still with us. The demon who said “We are legion.” If we encountered him in the United States would they say, “We are American Legion.”?

And are our farmers being carefully trained to raise enough pigs as hosts. We cannot be unprepared. Too much is at stake. And witches? Whether we are descended from monkeys or not, we're here and the apes aren't attacking us. But a witch or too in the wrong place can do a lot of damage.

No comments: