Ancient Religions: Slinging the Bull's ...

There’s been a long debate about the nature of the adornment on statues of Artemis, the Earth Mother goddess, statues whose images are fairly widely available to the general public.

The debate centers around whether all those sack-like objects ranging from her neck on down are breasts or bull testicles.

It certainly changes your view of this particular religion if the answer is the latter, and having seen an original in a museum in Selcuk, Turkey, I’m much more included to the bull-organ origin. Either that, or the nipples on all those breasts were eroded away over the centuries and it’s hard to believe in a work of art with such detail that the makers simply forgot that breasts have nipples..(Well, maybe they were being reviewed by the Federal Communications Commission and didn't want a fine.)

This theory also suggests why worship of the female deity was suppressed by male-dominated religions. It’s easy to imagine the local male population, watching the first batch moving off the idol assembly line, was a bit jittery when they recognized the nature of the appendages.

“Hey, those things look like bulls’ balls.”

“Yeah. I don’t think I want a date with her. Who'd want to put their hands on those?”

The emotions stemming from the fellowship of male animals led to some immediate steps to encourage female worship to move into another direction, the famous mystery religions of the ancient Greeks.

“The guys in the village got together and we thought it would be great if you women danced naked in the clearing in the forest and caroused in the local caves. Do you think you could do some kissing and wrestling while you’re at it? It would add dignity to the ceremony. And, by the way, we’ll pay you not to make any more of those statues. Nothing personal, we just think they don't add to the beauty and sensitivity of womanhood and your religious values. We’ve got these nifty pictures of a guy named pan with goat feet and some pipes. Have some wine.”

Fortunately for the men, the symbolism of the Diana/Artemis/Earth Mother religion was more than a little blunted when an earthquake knocked down most of the Temple of Diana near Ephesus, the only truly female-oriented entry in the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World.

Well, they said it was an earthquake, but a mob of local men were seen moving off in the night after visiting a local tavern. It was said they had some ropes and pulleys. But nothing was ever proved.